Testing

common sense

if you don't think you can bench press her legs, you should just walk away.

Who do you think you are?

I drew a spaceship shaped like a fudgsicle, with lasers.. she said,"That's not what spaceships look like." I was visibly disgusted.. for many reasons. not just because I doubted her credentials as a spaceship designer.

A seagull just ate half my egg salad sandwich.. jokes on you jack.

Rude

Worrying about the past is like wearing ankle weights dancing. You think it's making you stronger, but really it's making you slow. Also, it is not fashionable. If anything, you should be wearing wrist weights, because there is nothing more aggravating than people who swing their arms around ridiculously at night clubs. Not only do you look foolish, but you are taking up more than your share of the dancefloor, and scaring the hell out of very tall men.

True story

I may seem uncomfortable, but what I'm really doing is trying to figure out whether or not you're a douchebag.

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