Testing

common sense

if you don't think you can bench press her legs, you should just walk away.

Who do you think you are?

I drew a spaceship shaped like a fudgsicle, with lasers.. she said,"That's not what spaceships look like." I was visibly disgusted.. for many reasons. not just because I doubted her credentials as a spaceship designer.

A seagull just ate half my egg salad sandwich.. jokes on you jack.

Rude

Worrying about the past is like wearing ankle weights dancing. You think it's making you stronger, but really it's making you slow. Also, it is not fashionable. If anything, you should be wearing wrist weights, because there is nothing more aggravating than people who swing their arms around ridiculously at night clubs. Not only do you look foolish, but you are taking up more than your share of the dancefloor, and scaring the hell out of very tall men.

True story

I may seem uncomfortable, but what I'm really doing is trying to figure out whether or not you're a douchebag.

This title is going to end up being longer than this post.

That sentence has already been punctuated

Poor Pretty Girls

I wanted to say,"you're pretty." Sweet and to the point. No frills, in full awkward 3rd grade crush format. Those have been some of the most beautiful things i've ever said to a woman. What I decided on, instead of honesty, was blatantly not amazing. It was her fault though, she was too pretty and had apparently disabled my brain. I may have actually been "mesmerized". My conversation somehow toppled in on itself. All the letters and words were fucking each other in the wrong holes. We ended up talking about some song I'm pretty sure I've never heard.

bad move kid

You tell a girl she looks like a dumptruck, without any explanation. Really, even if you like dumptrucks and were trying to be sweet, you probably lost her already. I would not advise doing this.